Category Archives: memories

A Peony For My Mother

There are things that you’ll remember in the oddest of times; remarkably some extremely trivial, after someone close to you has gone on.
Time pulls your heartstrings out of it and untangles the ribbons that once held your heart so interwoven with another.

Finally, you can breathe again and be filled up with just the simple memories. You now can look at a photo and see that your loved one was smiling and enjoying some momentary happiness. This doesn’t lessen the longing or the missing, just maybe the tears.

I choose to retell a time in the summer of 1980, it’s hot and early June, I came to visit my mom. I moved out in 1979 because I thought that this was some kind of requirement as I wasn’t in college. In this era, if you weren’t backward thinking, you weren’t thinking. It was fun visiting my mom back then, we always had a very rich engaging conversation and I loved our visits.

Looking out onto the “screen porch”, which is what we called our four season room that my father single-handedly built, and don’t you forget it, the table was set with a jug of sun tea, glasses, and a small cake. I smiled as I looked down on it seeing the old chewed on Tupperware glasses, grandma Nona “Banna” old plates, the old flocked tablecloth that had been washed so many times the print was coming off in some places! Last but not least, was the ashtray overflowing with spent butts and perhaps a nighttime deck soiree.

There it is, I think now, a true snapshot of times ago.

Anyway, I called out for my mom, she responded that she was outback. I found her on her knees weeding her flower beds. She and my father were extremely prideful on how manicured their home was. They had a glorious garden reaping with a bountiful harvest as well as these prizewinning favorite flowers; pink peonies, and yellow roses.
I joined my mother sitting in the grass and began plucking weeds by hand, following her lead. We talked about the nice weather and then on to the flowers. She began to tell me how the bees were attracted to the beautiful show the flowers were putting on. She went on to say that her observation of the bees was that even they would compete to land on the flower. We began to get sunburned as we chatted about the flowers, we decided to go get our tea.

Mom began tea with a freshly lit cigarette and of course, I smoked then too. We went on at least another hour with jokes and conversation.

On my way home in the car, I realized that my mother was talking about me the entire time. So I broke up with my boyfriend and put on a bra! I planted a pink peony bush in my yard to honor her because nothing has ever been the same since.

A true snapshot of times ago for me means a peony for my mother and memories that just maybe provoke more smiles than tears.

Happy Mother’s Day.2018-05-14 13.00.16

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Road Trippin…..

Road Trippin

 

There’s the rumble of the tires on the asphalt road, the wind blowing across the car with deafening sound and sweaty hair stuck to faces, as kids in the back seat ask, “When are we going to get there?”

There’s a stop for gas and a Polaroid camera, the station with a general store attached to it has salt water taffy and I am happy; all the flavors are my favorites! The man came out and began to fill my dad’s car up with gas and he washed the bugs off the windshield too! He and my dad chatted as the man pointed here and there as they were both looking at the atlas.

My mom sprayed her hair with hairspray and went back to reading her romance paperback. I don’t know why she keeps doing that we’re all choking back here! Also my mother thinks we can’t read too, it’s a book about kissing I am sure of it!

My brothers argue and wrestle, but me, I just peered out into the sky above me. I’m watching the clouds; they somehow look different out here. I suppose being out in the middle of nowhere means there just might be a little more sky!

I see there is way more room to play, but it doesn’t look like there are any kids around, just miles of corn and behind that  miles more of corn!  By the time my dad has gotten back into the car, I have already spotted an entire zoo worth of animals in those clouds, and I can even swear I see my grandmother’s face there too!

Time to go back onto the humming road now and count the thwamps and rumbles on the different pavements and undoubtedly I will fall fast asleep and miss the Native Americans on the plains that I think I might see.  I will also miss the license plate game my mom will play or 50 guesses question game, but who cares I’ll have my dreams of being a prairie girl like in my story books.

I’ll dream of what could be in the next town and the town after that!  And from this day on I will always have a sense of wonder, of what that next town will bring, more flavors of taffy pulled; I hope, or maybe just maybe, how many more miles of unfound zoo animals or grandmothers faces will be in the sky above me.

Reconnect

I ran into someone,  or I nearly fell over someone, ok….I didn’t even recognize her; she did me! How awful I felt for the better part of the whole week after that! I used to be really good close friends with this person and the very fact that it took her to actually say her name, did I then (and only then) realize who she was.

I’m in no way forgetful and memories of great times, parties and events immediately flooded me as I stood there. As far back as Girl Scouts and elementary school functions, not to mention high school, we did a lot together~ then quickly after graduation we drifted, more precisely,  we never saw each other again!

Now as I stand before her with a manufactured smile and sweaty palms, I listen to her recall some of those fun times and I then see her face light up~ “Oh Wow, we had a blast back then”!  Now I’m actually engaged and truly smiling~  Thank you friend from days gone by, you’ve “rebooted” me! You threw me back to fond memories and while you said I haven’t changed at all; perhaps it really was me I didn’t recognize~

Keep in touch.

Just my thoughts, just my opinion, and always in a Conversationaltone!

 

 

 

Waterfalls

Waterfalls

The forest calls me by name and asks me to hike within it. As I travel slowly breathing deeply

of its rustic scents, I am energized. I’d love to walk here forever. I continue into the still heavily

leafed area, where I feel enveloped with hugs from the trees above me. I guess if you can see me

right now, you’d see a happy smile and lifted heart and a joyful spirit. For it is here, around this

crag and near the natural small waterfall that is fed off the river a long way away, that I chose to

sit.

I am not known to meditate, in fact, some will ask me, and do you ever sit down? Yep, here.

I could do this every day, but life has a way of getting in the middle of my happy place and me.

So, when I can, I’ll go here, even if it’s just in my mind. Now I rest; I sit on this old

withered timber that has fallen due to age and forest disease, because it was needed to house the

squirrel or the beaver or even provide winter housing for the small fox family, each of these

I have seen in my little forest.  I’ll close my eyes and I will breathe listening to the little waterfall

before me. I can hear the rustle of the winds and you as you call me and my brothers’ home to eat.

I can hear you call my name as I did not do my chores. I recall the way you answered the phone.

I know that my mortality is now being challenged. I am nearing past mid-life and I ask you

that when that day comes that you’ll be standing and waiting, calling me home to dinner; not

because I’ve missed you~ But there’s so much I want to tell you about!

Shoes of Dreams

The door tumbler turned, a key inserted into the lock,

where can she hide? As her legs shook instantly and her knees

began to knock uncontrollably, the door began to move now.

She leaned against the wall of bookcases in hopes to disappear into

them, she spotted it, the closet!

Inside the master closet she suddenly felt safe. Being amongst its size and finery

from around the world, the little girl of ten was delighted!

There were shoes of all kinds and colors. There in the corner, an overly worn pair of ballet shoes

hung by a wisp of ribbon. She assumed the ballerina was once a very gorgeous woman, twirling

and dancing and dreaming. There were delicate and dainty dress shoes, perhaps Cinderella danced in

those.

But there were also shoes of a hard working woman. They were scuffed black and terribly worn

and some had crooked heels. All in a neat little row, seven pairs in all. She was sure these had all

walked at least a hundred miles or so!

And so unlike the fancy and delicate shoes of dreams, these are the only one’s she’s ever

seen on her grandmother’s feet!