Identity

My thoughts on identity.

Identity, it’s a source of self. Identity defined is simply being who or what a person or a thing is.

But wait, it is also a close similarity or affinity to something. So much lately has been in the news about

one’s self and our human attachment to an identity. I’m guessing people have been thinking way

outside the box!

Sense of self is important to us; it is where we find our personal security. It is for our sense of comfort.

Lately though, the extreme examples of finding one’s identity have been exhibited for all to see. Human

beings are creatures that crave identities because I think that people gravitate toward each other in

seeking out themselves. This is why we have clubs, support groups, and otherwise genres of t.v.

programming.

For example, taking reality t.v. into account and the types of people who watch them are perhaps

as “on the edge” as those on the shows and somehow the viewer is striving to see themselves.  The

subject matter of changing genders or assigning a gender to ourselves is an interesting one. While there

are people out there somewhere whom are choosing to be this or that, there still are as many more

born to be someone or something else. These people time and again, say they knew for themselves

they were not the appropriate gender, or knew that somehow they were not comfortable in the role

they had been living Or that they sought out love from an undisclosed gender for

example.  Or still yet, that they find themselves somehow being a “misfit” of sorts.

Identity is also something that fits you like a personal glove:  be it your job, or your life course

and sometimes, as we very recently have witnessed the racial identity of a person. One can identify with

the life that one is living. With job loss there is an identity loss, perhaps due to circumstances we squash

all that we want to be for what we have to be. Now, these subject matters bring me to understanding

and the compassion part of it to this essay. I just say let live because although I may not like a

particular thing that is happening  to someone else, I cannot control it nor can I possibly imagine what

that person is feeling  or the freedom they get once expressing themselves~ I just can’t “identify” with

it!!

Identity is where we call ourselves comfortably home and the loss of it, or the real discovery of it may be

exactly what one needs to think way out of the box on this one~

 

Just my thoughts, just my opinions, and always in a Conversationaltone!

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Merry-Go-Round Memories

Merry-Go-Round Memories

 

Memories; lifetimes should be filled with them. Memories should make us giggle with delight

like when recalling your 12 year old self at the carnival. Do you rememeber the pure

enchantment you felt as you now spot the carnival in the distance? You see the lights and your

heart leapt!

Giddiness begins to happen, as you approach closer still, and now the music is softly sounds,

there are thrill screams from rickety roller coasters, and throngs of people sounds closer, closer

still and then there’s whistle of the man directing you to a pay booth with policeman’s flashlight

that causes us to jump and giggle again, as your parents follow the car packed with as many

children as will fit in it, in front of you while my two brothers and I sit quietly and smile feeling

extremely lucky to have arrived at this wonderland. My mom and dad share passing smiles

together that they were happy of their surprise vacation choice. We enter and the world warps

into a fantasy. The smells of a carnival are fabulous, the lights off the noisy rides and then there

are elephant ears dusted with white sugar, cotton candy a mile high, and corn dogs on a stick.

There were ropes of licorice in red and black….oh I want one of everything I see! There, I want

to ride the merry-go-round, I want to jump on a unicorn horse; but no I take the brown one with

the tongue sticking out weirdly. My brother is two ahead of me smiling with glee he is on a black

stallion, my younger brother is beside me and he is on a tiny white pony with blue eyes and he is

afraid.

My parents station themselves standing between us children, my dad a hand on my brother and

my mom between myself and my little brother, her hand on each horse. We begin, the music is

bellowing, the operator gives us a few rules, now spinning quite quickly, my sweaty hair is

in the breeze. My brother ahead of me thinks we are racing; he is slapping the red strap like

a rein and is smiling and laughing gratuitously. I glance at my baby brother next to me and my

mom is now holding him entirely as the pony pumps up and down. I look above me and I now

realize that my horse is just a stationary one. Just a horse on a pole and now I no longer am

smiling somehow I feel I’m having a less than experience. I want to get off of that goofy horse

anyway! I am dizzy, my baby brother is crying and my other brother is smiling crazily asking to

do it again when we exit the merry-go-round. Secretly, I hated it. But, do you remember how

much you wanted that damned stuff bear? It was deemed the top prize on the runway that year.

Every time I looked up some adorable little girl was sweetly hugging one, except I knew I was

not ever going to be one of them. (father thought games were a waste of money)

 

That night continued, and our little family trudged forward into Never NeverLand, finding a fun

house with fabulous goofy mirrors and hard to walk up floors (they were tilted), but I got scared

because of the freaky clown standing next to the funhouse; he looked directly at me and asked,

“did you have fun little girl?” ugh really? Dad bought us cotton candy and I forgot that freak for

second. We rode all the tiny rides because of my little brother and my parents

hated rollercoasters; that made me happy though. I love a little train and I rode a car that looked

like a ladybug! Back then no one cared if you were 12, they saw you were having fun, they left it

alone. Well, it was getting late and we were getting ready to go home, we were getting crabbie.

By the time we got to the car, my little brother was already asleep on my dad’s shoulder. Both

my other brother and myself were asleep before we left that parking lot.

That night our merry-go-round dreams turned into magical memories, stuffed bear or no; I thank

you mom and dad.

Just Dreaming…..

Just Dreaming……..
I was asked by a child of five the other day, “What is a dream?” And “Do dreams come true?”

So as I answered the questions in the terms I thought he’d understand; then it spurred my
thinking……
Dreams, when did I stop dreaming them? Am I just not remembering them or do I just never
have them? Great questions I posed to myself and now to you.

I love this…”Don’t you find it odd, he continued “that when you’re a kid, everyone all the world,
encourages you to follow your dreams. But when you’re older, somehow they act offended if
you even try.” Ethan Hawke~

Dreams in the most technical way are a simple series of thoughts, images and sensations
occurring in a person’s mind during sleep. No, that’s not exactly what I told the toddler, nor did I
tell them that sometimes those dreams are not all cotton candy and fairy tales. Sometimes dreams
can be dark and awful. But I felt confident that the toddler had a full toddler’s grasp on what a
dream was when I was done talking to him. Getting back to technicalities and research, it is
thought that everyone dreams between 3 to 6 times each night and the dreams can last anywhere
from 5 to 20 minutes. And then here’s the most interesting part, 95% of those dreams you just
had last night are gone and forgotten the minute one gets up!
So I guess that’s where my dreams go, back recessed into my main frame’s hard drive to be
stored in some weird way like a brain CD filled with my dreams, or pop up one day like “this
happened before” kind of thing! Deja’vu. Then there’s the scary movie that I’ll watch and I’m
afraid of dreaming now, So shutting my eyes voluntarily is simply out of the question! You

know those nights where your eyes are heavy and you really are tired, but you better not shut
your eyes…..
just in case. You’ll stand guard, wiping your eyes many times because you think you just saw the
door move, and then it’s time to turn on the nightstand light! Maybe if I read a book or think
funny thoughts that little Chucky guy in the corner will go away!

“Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there, wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming
dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before”
~Edgar Allen Poe

So I’ll just go back to what Ethan Hawke said, and I’ll just follow my daydreams…
and when I win that lottery you guys will all be the first to know~

Just my thoughts, just my opinions, but always in a ConversationalTone.~

Respect~

Well, I’m surprised it took me this long, I have finally caved~ This post is about respect. You know that thing your parents try to teach you…or should be teaching you, when you’re just a toddler?

By its very definition, respect as a noun simply means: a feeling of something elicited for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities or achievements.  Guess what respect means as a verb? The exact same as above!

So whether you are showing it or you are giving it, it is the same. Respect never changes. So where is all that respect when a looting riot breaks out? I am not sure. Look into the eyes of that small business owner and you ask him or her, as they cry really hard at the fact that this person has now lost everything they have strived for all their lives. Ask first what this disrespect for others can do for you? It tears at the core of the community; less is not more in this instance.

No one has ever asked anyone to not dislike or to not express a view when they feel a wrong has been pursued/committed against another, after all, take this essay blog of mine, I’m expressing a view.

The thing is this: reverence for life or property should be innate, it should be in you. We are not born as babies to hate, we are however, born into or grow up into a “place” of discontentment.

There are so many ways to change a situation. There are so many ways to add to a situation. If you choose to try to change the situation using a street protest, I’m in your corner. But when one or more or groups and throngs of people go on a tear and begin to set fires, jump on cop cars, steal, loot and/or destroy, attack cops, or spew pure hatred I cannot stand beside you.

You see I have personal honor and respect for myself as well as I have it for you. I cannot think that setting fire to a neighbor’s dry cleaning service or even ripping off a corporate business chain like a CVS will do any good for anyone at all.

I have simple respect. Those things in that store do not belong to me; therefore, if I cannot pay for them I cannot have them. The lady who’s business burned to the ground does not know now how she will feed her children; that’s right that small act of violence against respect has severe consequences. There are so many involved, in fact a whole city worth in these cases!

Now enter people. No one is above the law. No one should “get away” with disrespect of another badge or no. Please do remember positions of authority are there because someone has taken an oath to honor you, serve you and protect you. Have you the will to do this every day as a part of your job? Tough I am certain. Most of us could not nor would not want to handle the horrific things of today. I am sure that personal quality and esteem are number one in jobs such a policeman for one. They do endure rigorous testing on so many levels; they do have internal affairs policing them every time a weapon is discharged. I think their job is tough. I also think that growing up in today’s society is hard too.

But then I remember the kids in a city near me that took a small open lot that was filled with garbage, debris from drug paraphernalia and left overs from nightly partying, junk tires and car parts and turned it into a small piece of heaven. These kids were taught right then and there by a community adult, that this is where THEY live and THEY needed to be proud. So they organized and together with many of their parents they began to clean it up. They made small sandboxes in the middles of the tires, hung one from a rope on a tree to fashion a swing. They planted flowers and seeds, and watched gardens grow. It became not only a thing of beauty, but it was a source of respect, a place that was their own to keep clean and to use and to flourish there.

Being a city kid may be hard, having one parent may be hard, and going to school is hard sometimes because there may be gang activity for example. but never loose respect. Don’t lose respect for yourself, or any others around you. We as adults need to reinforce respect for others, like teachers and yes even little old ladies passing by~

We all need to remember that this respect thing goes a long way and it is not ever victimless.

What our world needs now is just a little respect, reverence and honor toward one another and maybe put on a little Aretha Franklin and play that stuff loud!

Respect and flourish~

Just my thoughts, Just my opinions, but always in a ConversationalTone~

A Light at the End of the Hallway

Normally I reserve this spot for rantings and ravings….and for things that tick me and most likely you off too~ But since I’ve let this site mellow down a bit as I pursued other things, I thought I’d start back by a simple memory post; a short short story. Just a feel good vibe thing, because you do know that I’ll get back to the ranting shortly!  In the meantime, enjoy my trip down memory lane.

The Light at the End of the Hallway (A Summer Memory)

A Simple Essay of Sorts

The perfect summer day, the glorious heat fueled by the sun and along with squiggle waves that

move off the pavement to burn the bottoms of your feet. The pool swimming was all day and

sunburnt shoulders feel like they’re on fire and eyes dry as a desert hurt from scratching.

Tummy round and puffing out filled to the brim with good grilled ears of corn in charred husks

buttered and salted, fresh strawberry shortcakes made from farm day trips, hand-picked

strawberries, by us and bought by the bushel full and mom’s sweet iced tea with lemons floating.

Running barefoot at sundown, wet dewy footprints in the stark green lush freshly cut blades

where you cannot giggle enough and there aren’t enough fireflies. The nightlights made

from mason jars and pickle jars; hope they live long enough until I fall asleep. I gave them sticks

and leaves and extra air holes. Shall I name them I put six of them in there. I think for certain at

least one must be a girl firefly because her light shines the brightest. I’m getting dreamy.

The moon coming in streaming with odd blue shadows making my teddy bear seem deadly

instead of cuddly. Getting the shivery willy’s and now I’ll never sleep! It’s a hoover beneath the

blankets time with my trusty flashlight in hand. I slowly stick my hand out from underneath the

blanket to grab the nearest book by the bed. I grab it by feel only; I’m not looking out there!

The creaking floorboard tells me that one of my parents is up and walking near my bedroom, I

am sure it is my mother. I am sure she has seen the light at the end of the hallway. I cringe and

wait quietly; barely breathing. She draws slowly my door but it creaks loudly. I continue to fake

sleep. I peek with one eye jutting out from under. I see my mother’s head peek in. Quickly I

close my eyes. She says nothing until she’s about to exit my room when she says “please don’t

stay up too late” She shuts the door behind her; I heard the smile in her voice.

I know the sense of wonder and awe. Exploring a book with a flashlight in the height of summer,

sweating beneath the blanket~ this excitement I felt dawned on me that mine was also once my

mother’s too! And now I smiled.

The perfect summer was happening down at the end of the hallway~

Casey Anthony Syndrome

Well folks, I waited patiently to make a post about the trial of Casey Anthony. I waited because I didn’t want to be part of all the noise out there. The trial started to “get to me” as I am sure it did you as well, now that its done here goes….. I am surprised, I am angered and I am in shock like the rest of you!

I have sat on juries before that have gone to verdict and I think that in a murder of this stature and profile; I simply in my opinion, feel that the information was too complex!  Look at the law instructions for instance-very complex I think that even to understand just that would have taken many hours alone.

I think that while the jury did do its ultimate job-it went to verdict, it deliberated and it brought a result I think it was a pressured one. I think and I am almost certain someone of those twelve (at least one) went home full knowing that the vote they cast for not guilty was not the one they wanted to cast forth. No one will ever admit to feeling the pressure of another or even all other jurors. Not one person wants to stand up and say that they want to be the “possible one” who does not see it everyone’s way!

Even though the judge will ask-is this your true opinion? Is this the vote you wanted to cast? When at that point it has gone that far no one would ever say No I want to change my mind it’s not my vote, can we revote! It just doesn’t and I bet almost never has! It has past the point of no return!

So while I personally think this has been a horrifying miscarriage of justice, and I personally think that a mockery has been made of our system; it is our system.

So next time when you get called to jury duty-you do the damnest thing you can to get on that jury! Remember you can make a difference, maybe it won’t be now but it could be in the future. Sadly, there will be more Casey’s out there to come. Those kids that think they should bear no responsibility for their actions-the ones that are given too much and the ones that are never told no! We all know one-that’s not dysfunctional at all-it is our society! Our society is what is dysfunctional! I have heard many stories about a young girl out there partying it up, who winds up prego, who doesn’t tell family or friends, and who hides it. I also know families that do not ever “air their dirty laundry”! Why should they?

What was dysfunctional was the fact that our society accepts the irreverent actions and behavior of teens like Casey. I am hoping that somehow the parents will be able to get the help they need. Cindy will be a healthier person if she not let Casey back into her home. I hope that they both (Cindy & George) will be able to see the forest for the trees and know that this awful circumstance that is the creation of their daughter, is just that a creation by their daughter. This kind of event could strengthen them and their marriage or it could rip them apart. Such a shame!

Casey will languish eventually (when she’s done partying it up) when she finally comes to Earth perhaps she will make herself sick, as sick as she has made all of us! I think the lump in throat and the ball in my stomach must be the Casey Anthony Syndrome. Once one gets this, it may take some time to pass!

In the meantime, hugs your kids, your stepkids, your grandkids, your neighbors kids, and treat them right so they don’t grow up to be the next Casey Marie Anthony!

Just my thoughts, just my opinions, and always in a conversationaltone.

Mary Caliendo

 

Your Thoughts on Casey Anthony~Take a poll!

Abrupt Recess In Casey Anthony Trial

Update: Upon returning from the early lunch recess, the questioning of prospective jurors was to take place, however, abruptly the judge called for another recess until 8:30 A.M. tomorrow.

After speaking with the lawyers present and then the lawyers spoke with Casey Anthony and then once everyone was back in the courtroom seated, the judge then called for the recess.

No one is quite sure what is taking place at this point. Jose Baez was not present in the courtroom during this activity. There are various speculations as to why the recess is now taking place. We will see at 8:30 A.M. tomorrow. As it stands currently only 11 prospective jurors have been chosen. Judge Perry needs 12 sworn and seated along with a handful of alternates to begin the trial on Monday morning.

Just my thoughts, just my opinions, and always in a Conversationaltone.

Mary Caliendo

Casey The Trial is Starting Monday at 9 A.M.

The parting last words of Judge  Blevin Perry, Jr. were that he has a jury of eleven and while he will continue with the prospective fresh fifty tomorrow, he would’ve liked to have had more seated at this point. He continued to say that the trial will be starting with whatever they have come Monday morning at 9 A.M.

After eight days of jury selection, it has ended with twelve actually being seated.

One prospected juror was most likely shocked as he was admonished and assessed a fine for contempt of court for violating 3.830, which was not to discuss the matter. He was on the cell phone talking to someone about trying to get out of jury duty. He was fined no jail time but a stiff fine of $450.00, the juror agreed to pay the fine in monthly installments of $50. 00 per month by the 10th of each month. If this person does not pay for the contempt of court charge he will be arrested and will serve jail time! 

This judge is setting his rule in his court room. Further news, according to the Orlando Setinel about 50 passes per day will be given out to the general public. The general public can begin lining up at 5:30 A.M. for the first come first serve tickets. They will follow strict rules once in the court room. The trial is expected to last anywhere from 6 to 8 weeks.

The family and friends of Casey Anthony will be able to sit in a section behind her but the media has the entire first rows as well as the upper balcony of the courtroom.

There are two areas that will be designated free-speech zones where protestors can assemble to protest Casey Anthony.

Well, at the time of this writing, court is on lunch recess but will return around the 1 P.M. hour for continued juror selection.

Will continue to post any new developments as this case moves forward toward Monday morning.

Just my thoughts, just my opinions, and always in a Conversationaltone.

Mary Caliendo

Casey Anthony It is Time!

Well, we have long awaited the trial~we as a collective group will have many feelings going forward. We all will be compelled to watch, blog and conversate with deep opinion. So let’s do…but lets really listen-For Caylee-

So put on your seatbelts the long ride is about to begin where the lawyers will take us on roads well worn and traveled and then some new roads will be merely dusty trails that they will blaze! Good Luck and the posts about to begin!  Drew Peterson can’t be too far behind!